


Healing in our own way

by MossyFlossy



Category: The Invisible Library - Genevieve Cogman
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Kidnapping, utterly no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MossyFlossy/pseuds/MossyFlossy
Summary: Snapshots of healing injuries in between each bookmild spoilers for the Dark Archive
Relationships: Irene/Kai (The Invisible Library)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Healing in our own way

Irene’s fingers were splayed across his bare chest, long fingers over where his heart was, feeling it beating underneath her touch. Kai took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing the palm of her hand and keeping it still against his jaw. Irene shifted and slowly opened her eyes, not quite asleep just yet, as Kai ran his thumb over one of the particularly bad scars in her hand, left behind from Alberich.

“ _You need stitches.” Kai sighed. Irene had been unpacking and he’d heard her curse of pain from the kitchen and had taken the stairs two at a time to find her in her bedroom, clutching a bloodied hand to her chest. “Sit down, I know that we have a first aid kit somewhere…” He’d purchased it, it had been on the list of necessary requirements that Irene had poorly written with her left (mildly less injured) hand, right below brandy._

_Irene braced her unbloodied hand on her knee as she perched on the edge of the bed and watched with some apprehension as Kai struggled to thread the curved suture needle. “You have done this before, right?”_

“ _I have.” Kai said, poking the tip of his tongue out between his lips. “I just have never been any good at threading the needle first though.” He bit his tongue as he finally managed to get the thread through the eye. “Ah ha! Now, stay very still and I will try to be as quick as I can.”_

“ _I would rather that you do a good job than a quick job.” Irene faintly said, and she shut her eyes. “I don’t much care about scarring, it is far too late for me to worry about that.”_

“ _I was thinking fast would mean less pain.” Kai kept talking as he held her hand in his free one, and began to dig the needle through her skin. “Keep talking, it will distract you from the pain.”_

“ _I have had worse.” Irene said whilst breathing very deeply and feeling waves of nausea roll through her body, occasionally interrupting the pain that seemed to flow down from her hand like the rivulets of blood that would undoubtedly stain the cuff of her dress. Thank god for hydrogen peroxide._

“ _I don’t care if you have had worse.” Irene slowly opened one eye and realised that whilst Kai had struggled to thread the needle, the first stitch was actually very neat and well done, neatly tied off before he trimmed the thread and started on the second one. “I am going to make sure that this is well stitched up, and even if you don’t care about the scarring now, you may start to care in the future and the last thing that I want to do, is be a reason that you see a scar and don’t like something about yourself.”_

_Irene tilted her head. “Is there something that you don’t like about yourself?” She asked curiously._

“ _That is… a jump. Doesn't everyone?” He briefly looked up. “If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change?” His eyes were a brilliant blue in the harsh light of a brand new lamp bulb, like the colour of a gas fire, burning to brightly that it nearly hurt._

“ _My eyes.” She said. “I don’t like my eyes.” Kai tilted his head and scrutinised her for a moment. Irene could have sworn that his eyes locked on hers felt like he was reaching within her and searching through her soul._

“ _I think that you have lovely eyes.” He finally said, and looked down again. “They’re warm, friendly even.”_

“ _I think you are the first person to ever describe me as warm or friendly.” Irene tried to smile but that was the moment that Kai chose to skewer her skin again and she hissed a sharp intake of breath. “Easy, that one hurt.”_

“ _Sorry.” He said quietly. “I think you are warm and friendly. Other people clearly didn't see you properly.” He started to tie the stitch off. “But I suppose that they are your biggest tell.”_

“ _My tell?”_

“ _When you lie. I can see it in your eyes. Or when you are worried. You have a decent poker face, but as soon as I look in your eyes, I know.” He looked up again and smiled. “I quite like it to be honest. Being able to understand you without having to speak.” Irene chose not to point out that she absolutely did not want that sort of connection with him, or anyone else for that matter, it would have come across as rude._

_She didn't like people being able to read her. That was dangerous._

_Connections too. Messy emotions that got in the way of clean and crisp logic._

_The last thing that she wanted was a hanger-on that felt some kind of connection to her._

_That was harsh. Kai wasn't some kind of hanger-on. He was her student, but more importantly, he was shaping out to be a good friend, and an honest one at that and Irene couldn’t remember the last time she’d had someone that she knew would be there for her if she needed it. Kai had proven himself to be trustworthy with her life for goodness sake! Surely he could be trustworthy with emotions?_

“ _Stop looking at my eyes.” She finally said, after realising that she’d been awkwardly silent. “I don’t like it.”_

“What are you doing?” She tiredly asked him, shifting a little to rest her head against his shoulder.

“Is this the one that I stitched up?” He asked, following the line of it with his thumb before releasing her hand. Irene looked at the scar indicated.

“It is.” She frowned. “It healed just as well as the others in the end. One more scar to add to the pile.” He took her hand back and kissed that scar.

“Do you still hate it when I look into your eyes?” Kai asked and Irene was a little surprised that he would have remembered that, it was over a year ago now and he’d remembered a throwaway comment.

Irene had to think for a moment. “No. Not you at the very least. I still don’t like other people doing it, but not you.” She felt him smile against her hand. “You know me far too well by now anyway, what more could you see from looking into my eyes?” Kai shifted to prop himself up on his elbow and look down at her, he smiled before leaning down and softly kissing her.

“I can still see far more in them than I can ever get from your words.” He said. “You are like an open book to me.” The metaphor was not unappreciated. “Why don’t you like your eyes? People being able to read you isn't necessarily a bad thing.”

“I have been told my entire life that my emotions are just going to get in the way. Connections, relationships. They are an obstacle and only serve as a distraction.” She slowly sighed when she realised that Kai was looking a little saddened by her words. “You are the first person to ever make me think that maybe having these feelings isn't a bad thing. I… like that you can read me so well, it just takes some getting used to.”

“I know that you are very paranoid, but Irene, I promise that I will never use your feelings against you. If my family ever order me to act against you, I wouldn't do it. I couldn’t do that to you.” He touched her temple, stroking his fingers down the side of her face. “Your emotions are safe with me.”

“Thank you.” Irene had to lean up a little to be able to kiss him and she used the hand that she wasn't using to support herself to slide into his hair and tug him closer.

“Anytime.”

* * *

It was a tiny scar, barely noticeable, just a small silver line on the underside of his jaw that Irene only noticed when laying with her head on Kai’s chest, curled up on the couch in Vale’s study whilst he prattled on about some case. She brushed her finger along it and felt Kai go tense underneath her and she pulled her hand back, glancing up to him in a silent apology, he tilted his head curiously. Irene gave a slight shake of her head, a silent communication of ‘later.’

“What were you doing earlier?” Kai asked Irene once they were home and getting ready for bed, she was halfway through brushing her teeth and had the foamed up toothpaste on her chin. She spat the toothpaste into the sink and reached for the washcloth to wipe her mouth off.

“You have a scar under your jaw.” She poured some mouthwash into a little cup. “I have never noticed it before.” She tossed the mouthwash back and watched Kai in the mirror as he found the spot that she’d touched. She spat the mouthwash out. “What’s it from?”

“Venice.” Kai said softly, she almost didn't hear him. “The collar cut me at some point.”

“When I tried to undo it?” He shook his head.

“No. I tried to escape once, it was impossible, but I tried anyway.” He sighed and moved to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and burying his face in his hair and just breathing deeply for a moment. “I didn't realise how sharp the collar was and it dug in too far when I moved wrong.”

“Did it hurt?”

“A little bit. But Guantes wanted to keep me alive and in decent condition.” Kai was very quiet and very still, just holding her tightly. “It was cleaned and healed before I could even bleed too heavily.” Irene shut her eyes and let herself lean against him for a long minute, knowing that sometimes there was far more comfort in touch and actions than there was in words, and she had never been particularly good with those kinds of words.

Kai seemed to enjoy the chance to just hold her in silence, and she could feel him begin to relax against her back, just breathing deeply before he kissed the side of her head. “Should we go to bed?”

_The disinfectant had burnt. Lord Guantes stood back and let a servant attend to the slowly oozing wound on the underside of Kai’s jaw._

_Kai was silent, eyes half shut and taking shallow breaths to work through the pain. It was almost dizzying to breathe, an air so thick that it was like drowning. Kai couldn’t drown in water, but he felt like he could drown in the dusty air of his cell. His stomach clenched and had he been given food recently, he likely would have thrown it back up again._

“ _Prince Kai.” Once the servant was done and had stepped away, Lord Guantes had crossed the room and grasped his jaw, forcing him to look the Fae in the eyes. “I want you in top condition for the auction. You will be unable to find an escape from this cell, I highly recommend that you cease your attempts, you will only hurt yourself.”_

“ _My father will kill you.” Kai spat out. Lord Guantes chuckled darkly._

“ _He cannot find you here.” He smiled and tilted his head. “Your miss Winters may do, but I doubt that she is strong enough to save you. When we catch her too, I may just keep her as my pet, or maybe sell her too. A Librarian like her would fetch almost as high of a price as you will.”_

“ _If you touch her, I swear on my ancestor's bones that you will regret it.” Kai snarled, anywhere else, his words would have shaken the room and commanded rivers from their beds to rise up and aid him, but here they fell and died on the air, dissipating into silence with no strength behind them._

“ _I doubt it.”_

Irene pressed her lips to the scar. “No matter where you are, I will come for you.” She quietly promised, there was almost an edge of viciousness to her words. “In the depths of chaos, I will come for you and find you. Even if someone sees fit to imprison you in the heights of order, Kai. You have my word, I will protect you.”

Kai was at a loss for words in one of the few times in his life.

“No one will take you from me.” She said. “You are not theirs to take.”

“Am I yours?” Kai asked, trying to sound jokey.

“Yes.”

* * *

Irene trailed her fingers down Kai’s chest, memorising dips and contours of lean muscle. Kai suppressed a sound, swallowing his pleasure at the teasing touch. “I’m sorry.” She quietly said, fingers now following the lines of the scars carved into his abdomen by Alberich. There were more scars on his arms too.

“What for?” Kai asked, not being the fondest of the tonal shift that the conversation had taken, but their night had no rush to it anyway, and if Irene wanted to talk, then he was happy to too.

“You got involved because of me.” She said. “Alberich hurt you because you came to rescue me.”

_Irene stared at the blood on her hands. She wasn't sure who’s it was any more. It wasn't Vale’s, she knew that much, he hadn't bled. It could have been Kai’s, she’d just finished helping to stitch his wounds. It could have been Zayanna’s. The thought of her death made Irene choke on bile. It could have been her own blood, she could still taste it on her tongue._

_Someone knocked on the bathroom door and she quickly turned on the tap, smearing blood on the metal, pretending like she hadn't been staring at her own skin in abject horror and disgust. “Just a minute.” She called, her voice weak and cracking. It hurt to talk._

“ _Take your time.” Vale called back. “Strongrock is asleep, I thought you’d want to know.”_

“ _I’ll be back downstairs soon.”_

“ _He’s in bed.” Irene nodded despite the locked door between them. “Winters? Are you okay in there?”_

“ _Just…” She shut her eyes and swallowed. “Fine. I just have a lot of blood on me.” Blood of friends and the ash of thousands of now lost books. She showered off, it took a good hour and a mainly cold shower by the end before she was satisfied that she no longer smelt like smoke. She bundled herself up in her robe and a blanket for good measure and joined Vale in Kai’s room._

_Vale had moved a stack of books from Kai’s armchair to sit down, and Irene crawled up to sit on the empty side of the bed and watch his chest rise and fall as he slept. She was nearly exhausted enough to fall asleep then and there too._

“ _At least he’s stopped bleeding.” She finally said. “And then rest will do him good. He heals fast, thank god.”_

“ _Are you hurt?” Irene shook her head. “I thought I saw you bleeding.”_

“ _Just a nose bleed.” She said. “And smoke inhalation.” She reached out to smooth hair away from Kai’s face. “I’ll be fine.”_

“ _He will be too.”_

“I’ll always rescue you.” Kai frowned. “No matter what.” He kissed the top of her head. “You are not to blame for me getting hurt. That was all Alberich’s doing.”

“You were only there because of me.” She said. “You followed me there. You would never have been hurt if I hadn't gone running off after Alberich. If I had stopped and thought then you would never have been hurt. You wouldn't have scars because of me.”

“Because of Alberich.” Kai repeated firmly. “You did not hurt me.” He sat up and shifted Irene off him, back to her side of the bed, she sat up too. “I know that you feel guilty because of what happened, because of me, Zayanna and the books.” Irene couldn’t bring herself to look at him, her throat felt like it was closing up. Like her guilt was wrapping its way around her throat and trying to choke her. Kai reached out and cupped her cheeks. “You are not blame, Irene. You did what you had to do. You saved lives. You saved the Library. You saved the balance of the worlds!”

“Alberich survived.”

“And so did the Library.” Kai said firmly. “The Library survived because of you. I survived, as did Vale and as did you.” He sighed. “I cannot tell you how to feel. I cannot take your grief away from you, I cannot control or manipulate the way that you feel. But I can tell you the truth, I will always tell you the truth.”

“You are not to blame, Irene. You are not at fault. I have scars because of Alberich. Just like you do. He ordered that metal to hurt me, not you. And you think that he wouldn't have tried to target me too? I would have been another target. He’d have hurt me one way or another.” She leant forward to rest against his chest. Kai just folded his arms around her. “I’ve got you, Irene. I have you. It’s okay.”

“It isn't.” She said. “You say that you cannot take my grief, but I wish that you could.” She coughed. “You don’t know what it is like to have all of this in your mind. All of the pain and the guilt and the knowledge that if I had been better, if I had been faster then it wouldn't have happened. If I had listened to you about Zayanna!” She gasped for breath, her head reeling and her heart pounding in her chest until it hurt. “I am to blame and that is a feeling that will never go away.”

Kai tightened his arms around her. “Yes it will.” He said. “You just need time. You need to heal, and you will.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I love you.” He said. “Because I trust you, because I know you. You just need time. You never talk about anything, keeping it all bottled up will just hurt you more. I am always going to be here if you ever want to talk, I will always listen to you.”

Irene was quiet for a long time, Kai never let go of her though. The room grew cold and he carefully lay her down and pulled the blankets up around them, the nights prior activities long forgotten in favour of comfort. He curled himself around her in a protective embrace, keeping her tight to his chest, combing his fingers through her hair.

“Thank you.” She finally said.

“For what?”

“Staying.”

* * *

Kai’s thumb covered the bullet scar entirely. It wasn't often that he touched the mark, he avoided thinking about it or even looking at it if he could.

Something had gone wrong. Something had always gone wrong. Something had been dropped at a crime scene of Vale’s, releasing some kind of gas, their skin had been burning in seconds. They only had one shower, the bathroom on the top floor only had a bath. So once they had rushed back home, they’d stripped off and jumped in the shower without even thinking.

“Are you all done?” Irene asked, suds of soap were still slick on her skin.

“I think so.” He put the soap back down. “You?”

“Can you do my back?” She turned away from him and Kai picked up the soap again and returned to scrubbing her skin. “I think that’s all of it.” The bathroom was filled with steam. “What was that?” They both had red welts on their skin, still with a dull itch, but the burning had stopped.

“I don’t know.” She turned back around and reached past him to shut the shower off. Kai wrapped her up in a fluffy towel before he wrapped himself up, offering her a hand out of the shower. “you know, when I suggested that we share the shower, I meant to save water amongst other things, not scrub some air born irritant off each others backs.” Irene sighed and shook her head, but she smiled.

“Does it hurt?” He asked.

“A bit itchy.” She shrugged. “You?”

“I meant the scar.” He touched it again, the edge just visible above the edge of her towel. “I know that the healing process would have fixed it all, but that doesn’t stop all of the pain.”

“Not after the first few days.” Irene said, shaking her head. “Nothing at all now. What made you think of that again? It’s been six months now. Give or take.” She grabbed a towel and started to roughly dry her hair, making it stick up at awkward angles.

“I don’t know.” Kai admitted. With a flick of his wrist, he had dragged the water out of his hair. “I think the toxin was making it more red and I guess I just noticed. Are you sure that it never hurts?”

“Yes, Kai. I am sure.” she shook her head. “It isn't your fault, you know.”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Read my mind.”

“I cant read your mind.” Irene said as she picked up her hair brush and started on the knots that she had just made. “I just know what you are like and you are prone to feeling guilt about things that aren't your fault and yes, I know that hypocrite should be my middle name.” He nearly smiled at that, a quirk at the corner of his lips.

“You nearly died.”

“I have nearly died a lot of times since we started working together.”

_Kai couldn’t move, it was like his feet were glued to the floor, his eyes on Irene as the pool of blood beneath her steadily grew larger. It was with some effort that he looked up to Hu. He growled and took a step forward, ready to rip the dragon’s throat out. He reached for him but the queen’s guards were faster and Hu was tackled and dragged backward._

“ _Let me.” He snarled._

“ _Enough, young prince.” Ya Yu was worryingly calm. “He will be dealt with in the manner of my court.” Kai breathed deep, the prickle of claws at his fingertips. “Tend to your Librarian, she needs you far more than he needs your wrath.” Everiste was on his knees, trying to stem the blood flow with his jacket. “Healers will be here for her soon.”_

_Kai went to his knees and gently touched Irene’s cheek, before moving his fingers to find the pulse in her throat, weak and growing weaker. “I’m sorry.” He said, barely a whisper._

“I should have known that Hu would try something.” Kai said. “It was only natural, we had taken everything from him, he wanted to take something whilst he had the chance, and there you were. And I was distracted.”

“I should have seen it coming too.” Irene said. “I did, just too late.”

“And I wasn't even the one to save you! Had Everiste not been there, he’d have got the bullet in your heart and you wouldn't be here right now.” He said. “I am… sorry. I failed you.”

“You didn't fail me.” She put the hair brush down and stood in front of him, reaching up to touch his jaw. Kai shut his eyes and leant his head into her touch, savouring the sensation of her hand on him. “You have never failed me. You are not responsible for my safety. You are not responsible for my health.”

“I need to protect you.” Kai said and Irene wondered if this was relating more to Kai’s draconic nature. “You are… fragile. Sorry, I know that isn't the best word. But it is true. Humans break much more easily. And Hu would never have shot you had I done what you had said and not gotten involved.”

“I would have been dragged back to Qing Song by wolves.” Irene pointed out. “Kai. You cannot always protect me, I am grateful that want to, I appreciate it. But it isn't possible to always protect me, not when I chose to put myself in danger all the damn time.”

“I know you do, it does my head in. I’m scared, Irene. I don’t want to lose you.” She kissed him.

“I know, and I don’t want to lose you either, but these things happen. Injuries happen. How many enemies do we have now?” She slid her fingers into his hair and held herself against his body. “We can’t always get out of these things scot-free. Sometimes we get hurt but that isn't the other person’s fault. Hu decided to shoot me, that was his decision and it doesn’t matter who saved me, I am still alive here and now.” She tried to sound firm. “I am alive, with you.”

As if to remind him of the fact that she was indeed alive and with him, she kissed him, not holding anything back as she parted her lips against his, he responded in like, as passionate and desperate as she was, seeking that assurance, that comfort in the others touch, in feeling their hearts race in time with the others, of feeling bare skin and panted breaths.

“I’m still here.” She said before kissing him again. “I’m alive. We both are.”

* * *

“ _Does this hurt?” Irene asked, voice still catching and croaking, as she brushed her fingers along the cut in Kai’s forehead, surrounded by yellowing bruises. He hissed when she touched where the cut was the deepest and Irene pulled her hand back. “I’m sorry, I would never have tried that if I thought you would get hurt by it.”_

“ _We’d all have died had you not.” Kai took her hand and guided it away from his forehead and instead to his lips and he kissed her fingertips. “You did what you needed to do, and I am grateful that you did do it.”_

“ _I hurt you.”_

“ _So did my uncle.” His smile was bittersweet and entirely failed to hide the pain that he clearly felt. “You had to do it and I am glad that you did it, even if you did knock me out.”_

“ _Probably better that you didn't see my coughing up a lot of blood.” Irene muttered._

“ _Apparently there was a lot of it.” Kai nodded. “Though Vale said that what you did was very impressive, bringing the buildings down like that, I didn't know that you could do something like that.” Irene touched the side of her throat. “Though maybe let’s not push ourselves that far again?” Irene’s laugh was dry and painful._

“ _Agreed.”_

The cut on Kai’s forehead had faded into a scar within a matter of weeks after Paris, a thin silver line that Irene found herself searching out and pressing her lips to whenever she kissed him goodnight. A silent apology for her actions.

That next day she’d been unable to see Kai, barely able to talk, and frozen to the core, spending the time bundled up in a dozen or so blankets in a new hotel room, terrified that the last she’d ever see of him would have been that day. She knew he’d leave her after that, after everything she had done, throwing his uncle to the dogs, getting him hurt in such a way, betraying his trust.

But he hadn't, he had stayed and he had thanked her for it when they’d been alone, even if the words had been halting and reluctant, he had never doubted her. But she had doubted him.

Even now, months on when they shared a bed almost every night, when they worked so closely together, when he helped with Catherine, she still had those doubts, that one day his father would call him away and that would be it, that would be the end. No matter what he promised her. She’d been raised to wait for her parents to come back for her, to wait for partners to return from the field, or to never return.

What would make Kai different to them?

He rolled over in his sleep and pulled her closer, even unconscious, he held her tightly like he was scared to let her go.

And he was.

Kai was as scared to lose her as she was of losing him, he just had an easier time of voicing his concerns. He’d grown up with people listening to him, even if it was just servants, she hadn't.

Irene shut her eyes and tucked her head underneath his jaw, snuggling against his chest. It wasn't fair on either of them. Life wasn't fair. These doubts weren't fair. She was just as worried of her doubts ruining their relationship as she was danger and other people.

That didn't mean that she wasn't going to fight to stay with him, even if the battles were the ones with her own self doubt. She wasn't going anywhere without a fight.

* * *

“We need to talk.” Irene hated hearing those four words. They usually meant that she was in trouble or that someone was about to try to blackmail, bribe or guilt trip her into doing something that she really didn't want to do. Hearing them from Kai had fear settling in her stomach and she reluctantly looked up at him.

“Must we?” She asked, trying to think about what it would be that he wanted to discuss.

“Yes.” She slowly put her book down and sat up properly, she’d been curled up underneath a blanket. He had two glasses in his hand and he held one out to her. Irene took it, wondering what she’d done to be rewarded with brandy brought to her. Then she realised that the brandy was not for her, but Kai, as he had already had half of his glass and maybe more.

“What’s wrong?”

“You forced me to shift forms, Irene.” That. Right.

“I know.” She said, dropping her head. “I am so sorry that I did that too you, I should have apologised before now, you shouldn’t have had to be the one to bring it up.”

“It was a violation of my trust, Irene.” Kai drained his glass and put it down. “I’m not… angry, I understand why you did that, there weren’t many good options in that situation.”

“But what I did was still wrong, not matter if I did it for ‘good’ reasons.” She said, forcing herself to look at him. “I am so sorry, Kai. I…” She didn't know what there was to say, how to fix the situation, if she could fix the situation. She had hurt him, and she’d probably managed to do it in a way that he would have never expected, hurting him even more. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” Kai said, he reached out and touched her hand. “Maybe ask next time? That is, if you aren't being attacked.”

“And apologise as soon as possible next time, though in my defence, your uncle turning up like that did throw me a little bit.” Kai’s lips quirk into a smile.

“I mean, did you expect him to send a servant?”

“I didn't know what to expect! Not a sudden fleet of dragons, that is for sure.” She took a sip of her drink before setting it down, “I shouldn’t be making excuses. I hurt you and I am sorry that I did it.”

“And I want you to know that if you need to do it again, I do understand.”

“It didn't hurt, did it?”

“Not particularly.” Kai shrugged. “It felt like…” He searched for the right simile. “I know you have probably been drugged far more times than I care to imagine, have you ever been given anything that makes you feel like you are no longer in control of your own body?”

“He says after giving me a glass of alcohol.”

“Humans are such lightweights.” He sighed. “I guess like that, but without the warm fuzziness of being drunk. You suddenly can’t control your body. I suppose that is what a marienette feels like? Like there are strings pulling me instead of my own decisions. Everything was fuzzy for a while, like I wasn't the one controlling my own mind.”

“Which, I suppose, you weren't.” Irene said very quietly. “I was the one controlling your mind for a moment.”

“I suppose you were.”

“I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“Do you pinky swear?” Kai asked, raising his little finger. Irene snorted but hooked her finger around his.

“I guess so.”

* * *

“ _Please don’t touch me.” Irene muttered. “I… need to shower and eat and sleep. Not necessarily in that order?” She pulled her coat off, wincing as it scraped over her arm. “And… first aid.” She staggered and swore. Kai wanted to grab her, but didn't, she didn't want that._

“ _I’ll sort out something to eat.” He said, glancing to Catherine, who looked like she was about to pass out. “Toast or something easy.” Irene just nodded before wobbling her way up the stairs. He looked at Catherine. “Hungry? Or do you want to go straight to bed?”_

“ _Both?” Catherine frowned._

“ _I know that feeling. Why don’t you get comfortable in the lounge?” Comfortable to Catherine, involved lighting the fire and getting a grand total of nine blankets out of the blanket box in the corner of the room (Kai hadn't known that they had even owned that many blankets, there were even more in the linen cupboard.)_

_Kai sat with Irene tucked under his arm, requiring coaxing to actually eat something. Catherine was asleep pretty quickly, her head on Kai’s thighs. “Do you want to just fall asleep like this?” Kai asked Irene._

“ _The stairs are far too much effort.” She said, scratching at her wrist._

“ _Stop that, you’ll tear it open again.” Kai caught her hand and kissed over the bandages. “Does it hurt?”_

“ _I think all of me hurts.” She said, shutting her eyes. “My mind hurts.”_

“ _I know.” He said, pressing his lips to her temple. “Just… rest, Irene. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”_

Her wrist was a mess of scar that she hated, first Nemo’s island, then Alberich’s archive. She was trying to think of alliteration for Nemo, but she hadn't managed it. She switched everything that was short sleeved out of her wardrobe and made sure that they all had tight cuffs, so they wouldn't slip and she wouldn't have to see it as much as possible.

The dress on her bed decidedly did not answer her criteria.

“Kai?” She headed back downstairs, he was finishing up in the office, filing the last few documents away. “Where did that dress come from?”

“I picked it up from the tailors earlier. It’s for you.”

“I didn't think that it was quite your size.” She said dryly. “It has short sleeves.”

“I doubt you will get cold, but there’s a shawl that matches underneath the dress.” He said, turning to her. His face fell. “You don’t like it, do you. I wanted to surprise you. I guess I should have checked first.”

“It’s… beautiful Kai. But I haven't-” She took a deep breath. “I don’t like short sleeves. I don’t like people seeing the scars.” He crossed the room and took her hand, holding it still as he undid the cuff and pushed her sleeve up enough to see it. It had healed as well as such a ragged wound could have done, but there was no getting around it, it was an ugly scar.

“I’m sorry.” He said, pressing his lips to the scar. “I’d never understood the sudden switch. It should have been obvious. You’re beautiful, Irene. With the scars.”

“I think of Alberich when I see it.” She said, voice cracking almost painfully. “What I had to do, what Vale had to do.”

“I know that it was hard for you to hear that.” Kai perched on the edge of her desk and pulled her close, putting his hands on her hips. “I don’t know how much it helps you to know this, to hear it, but nothing has changed. You are still the woman that I love, despite who your birth parents are. You are not your father, and you never will be, there is far too much good in you.” He smiled up at her, she could feel his warmth, even through her dress.

“How can you say that when he is a part of me?”

“Well, that would be a debate in nature versus nurture.” Kai said, momentarily distracted, but he forced himself back to what she had said. “He is not a part of you any more than… Silver is. Biology isn’t everything. Blood means nothing, not really.” She was struck by how different he spoke of her when compared to himself. “It doesn’t change who you are and your choices. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The ties that you have a much more than how you were born.”

“Thank you.” She said, taking a deep breath. “I think that I needed someone to tell me that.”

“I will repeat it as often as you need me to.” He kissed her knuckles. “You are stubborn, but so am I.” She leant closer to kiss his forehead. “And you don’t have to wear the dress if you don’t want to. Or we don’t even need to go out for dinner. I don’t mind cooking.

“I think I own gloves that will cover it all.” Irene said. It was hardly proper to go out without gloves on after all. “Let me get changed and then we can go." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading  
> Comments and Kudos make my day


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